How affectionate are you?  

amy_G_dala 36F  
746 posts
9/14/2018 4:13 pm
How affectionate are you?


So, I'm confined to bed rest, that's boring so here's a post for good measure.

I was talking to my married friend, "H" aka Papi and the topic got on affection after I lamented that the worst thing with being sick was the fact that there's no one around to snuggle and look after me. Agreeing he commiserated saying that there's none in his marriage (which by now, typical and a cliché), that he doesn't even get snuggled if that. Him and his wife love each other, even sleep in the same bed, but no sex and affection because of his wife's growing health issues.

I confessed that I wasn't naturally affectionate. Must be a generational thing as my mother wasn't huggy and kissy with us, just as her mother wasn't either. I mean, I am affectionate but it's not spontaneous and demonstrative, and it's more with lovers and less with family and friends. Even with lovers I don't really tend to be either. I chalk it up to the bullying and the sexual abuse in my childhood that I might be what's considered "cold and withdrawn".

However, as of late its all I've been wanting to do. Papi and men like him are refreshing, because when he got the okay, he was all over me like white on rice. He puts a lot of feeling into it which is what I've been missing as well. "Veggie", my estranged FWB, I had to subtly chide into snuggles and even then it was more awkward than genuine. Papi is the breath of fresh air I need and crave. Too bad he's married, but it's not like his wife is giving him anything.

So what do you think?

amy_G_dala 36F  
676 posts
9/14/2018 4:14 pm

Sigh. I could snuggle up using someone else for body heat.


Ctr916aff 55M
5 posts
9/14/2018 4:21 pm

i love to practice full body massage.


amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 11:56 pm:
Well lucky is the woman who receives it.

Wonder167 51F  
267 posts
9/14/2018 4:32 pm

I'm very affectionate and when that component is missing, it's like a piece of you is missing too.


amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 11:54 pm:
Yeah, pretty much me all the way.

luvgluv19 70M
830 posts
9/14/2018 4:39 pm

Sorry to hear you are down on bed rest. Hate to think of one of our crew being sick. Get well soon amy_G_dala. Being passionate is fine when well directed and not over done to the point of feeling phony


amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 11:53 pm:
Thank you, but something tells me that I won't be on bedrest for long--my sister needs us to pick up the slack in the house. Anyway, Papi isn't phony at all in that department

alohashirt50 68M
201 posts
9/14/2018 4:44 pm

Bullying, I took care of that once my neighbor taught me how to stick up for my self,
The sexual abuse part I didn't know it was abuse - just part of what people did to each other, when I came to the states to live then people here said it was abuse, once I became educated about what the abuse part was- I put those experiences behind me.


amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 11:51 pm:
Yeah, I can't take the excuse of "it was just a different time / that's just what people did back then" when it comes to sexual abuse. I'm sorry it happened to you, but I'm glad you've moved on.

agedfun1 71M  
51 posts
9/14/2018 4:51 pm

Depends if you think you can limit it to just snuggling and friendly affection with your married friend. You consciously or subconsciously may end up having sex with him justifying it with " it's not like his wife is giving him anything." Tends to be a slippery slope if you don't have safety ropes in place. Many guys crave and search for intimacy if they don't have it at home.


amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 11:48 pm:
I shouldn't use that for a justification, but I mean, it's true - he's dying on the vine when he doesn't have to. But, I'll try to be as careful as possible with him.

TicklePlease 50F  
11112 posts
9/14/2018 7:13 pm

I'd have to say I'm a very affectionate person, I love touching (appropriately of course lol) those in my circle of friends/family/lover and I'm fairly verbally affectionate as well. I want it in return tho, and that's the hard part outside of close friends and family. Snuggling AND sex would be ideal.


amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 11:46 pm:
I don't try to waste any affection on those who can't return it. I expect my affection to be reciprocal. That's not always the case, though...

papis_baby_girl 42F  
4241 posts
9/14/2018 7:57 pm

it's funny... I am extremely affectionate...just not with my mom.

I'm affectionate with my bro, my nephews, my cousin, my friends, my lovers, my boyfriends... just can't seem to get that close to my mom. I was able to show affection to my dad, but much later in life.

I know why... growing up the affection I got wasn't from her or my dad... it was my grandparents who poured every ounce of love and affection on me, thus resulting in me pouring love and affection on those close to me. Thank God for them and thank God I turned out that way.

Sorry mom...but when I needed you, you weren't there and thus... well... anyways...

yeah... being single has it's drawbacks in the sense when you need that connection, that touch, that affection, it isn't readily available...but when it is, watch out!

Feel better soon.

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say."
-Anais Nin

"I am big, it's the pictures that got small!"
-Norma Desmond


amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 11:44 pm:
Mm. I wish I could be that affectionate with my extended family. The only one I pick up and kiss is my little niece...until she snatches my glasses off lol. Being single is dangerous because of those droughts that can lead to desperately seeking affection from the less savory.

Amoculi 63M
19 posts
9/14/2018 9:44 pm

Such a sad story. But it seems you have figured out at least one key to the secret. Another would be to make the separation from the unaffectionate FWB permanent. Affection in a relationship is normal and rewarding. When it is lacking there is something wrong, and when one person lacks the capacity as your friend does, the wrong is him.

Cold fish do best with other cold fish. Warm blooded animals go best with others of their species. By the way, you look like a famous actress. Theda Bara maybe. I can see why "Papi" likes to hug you. Now get well and back on your feet. There is "Papi" and a lot of other affectionate Papis out there too. Go get one.


amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 10:48 pm:
I wouldn't say he's a cold fish. He's more than likely the type who saves it for his actual girlfriends. I'm not his girlfriend. Anyway, in the meantime, I have someone equally as hot blooded as me and I'm going to coast on that.

amy_G_dala replies on 9/14/2018 10:49 pm:
Theda Bara, really...I guess that picture does lend itself to looking like a silent film star. I'm very flattered.

BiggLala 46F  
22685 posts
9/15/2018 7:08 am

I tend to be more affectionate with friends, boyfriends, or sex partners (hesitate saying 'lovers' as I don't feel like I've ever had one) than with family. My mother wasn't affectionate with me growing up so I was used to not getting hugs from her.

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amy_G_dala replies on 9/15/2018 2:35 pm:
I'm sensing a common theme here-- unaffectionate parents, especially mothers. I wonder why that is so?

rr45044 63M  
34 posts
9/20/2018 5:47 pm

cuddlingsnuggling is a good thing ! and yes - affection is a learned behavior - some have it and some dont - and authentic affection makes a relationship better and false or no affection harms a possible relationship


marriedcretin 48M
889 posts
9/21/2018 7:48 pm

I'd cuddle with the cat. But not a human. I'm not a cuddler. It's hard enough dealing with all the hugs folk want to give me. I don't know you. I am not hugging you. I put on my best British accent and shake hands. Jolly Well done! Simply marvelous to meet you. pip pip.


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