OK, class, welcome to Pussy Parts 101. Today we're going to learn the fundamentals -- actually that would be assholes, not pussies -- where was I?

Oh, yes, pussy parts. We're going to start with the rudimentary essentials for exciting vaginal auto-lubrication in a woman -- What Sally? Oh. Er, well, basically we're going to learn how to make the cunt cream.


First of all, note all the lovely pussy parts and how many wonderful vulva varieties there are. Vulva come in outer lips of peachy soft skin, inner lips --more membranous and moist, pinker, more slippery under the tongue, like an exposed oyster when you pry open its shell -- What's that? Oh, sorry. I get carried away with the, er, particulars. Where was I? Oh, outer lips, inner lips, vaginal opening or (Sally) cunt hole, which, though it has sensitive nerve endings around its edges, can't hold a candle to the clitoris.



Look at this dew-covered valley between inner lips and outer lips. Do you know when you first part these lips, either pair, she starts to tingle. Air hits these warm, moist bits and let me say they are full of nerve endings and, well, just hold her open for a sec, staring at her, and that might bring a strong increase in the woman's vaginal excretions -- er, she might start juicing up for you. Sweep a feather along this valley and watch her pussy react -- you may see a little wincing of the clitoris (which I'll get to in a minute) or her whole body may squirm. Or take a warm water bottle with a slow spraying spout -- squeeze out a gentle flow as you direct it up one valley, across her wormy little clit and down the other valley. As she lies there, naked, her full, wide-capped breasts rolling, you'll be heating her up with sweet torture. What? No. Not torture torture. I meant the nerve endings send multiple messages to the brain and all of them are good news. What? OK. You ask about the clitoris and that's just what I was getting to.



At the top of the slit like a pussy frontispiece, the clitoris hides inside a skin fold called the clitoral hood. It especially hides there in pornography, class, never to be seen. The porn star can be seen jabbing her hole with a finger (where she may barely be feeling anything) and rubbing all round the various lip parts because it looks more dramatic on a wet cunt, than when she actually goes for that little nub. But they hardly show her actually working her nub, much less pulling the hood back to let the nub mug for the camera.In fact, models usually hide both the pisshole and the clit head with their finger. Just look trhough the lovely cunt doubles in our slide presentation, here, and you'll see what I mean. Can you spell RIPOFF?



Also note, class, that the locus of the vaginal opening wherein the male penis penetrates -- what's that James? Oh, er, the fuck hole… Note how far the fuck hole is from the clit on most women -- our lovely 2257-compliant models included. Now the clit is the female version of the penis. The clitoral hood is like a male foreskin, you pull and stretch this pliable outer skin back, and if you're lucky, the head of the clitoris, a tiny, paler, moist button pops out -- John? No, John, we don't have any pictures of the clitoral head here. They're damned hard to come by -- actually clits are often the ONLY thing women can come by. What? -- er, yes, G-spots and so forth, of course, Willy, but that's Pussy Parts 201; this is Pussy Parts Basics. And yes they do get hard. When the female reaches arousal, her clitoris becomes tumescent in much the same way as the pe -- What is it? Er, clits swell like dicks when the cunt is horny. Excuse me. I mean when the lady is horny, er aroused.

But look out, the clitoral head contains more active nerve endings than just about any other organ on male or female body -- in other words Sally, it is way, way sensitive. Oftentimes direct contact between finger and clit is not necessary (it could even be too much sensation for good arousal). That makes your job easy.

Simply slide that little baby, the clit hood up and down, rub it all around, that's what it all about. You can lap on in, you can lick on out, you can twiddle it between your fingers and -- OK Jeremy, I see you rolling your eyes. My point is this: Use all kinds of strokes and textures on the shaft and the hood of her clitoris because it feels a lot like a blow job (how about gripping the hood between your lips?). Ultimately you add a little pressure into the mix. Pressure on her clit, and for added umph, pressure on her pubic mound, that is the bony part just above where the curtains of her hot pussy meet. Pressure this spot while you're bearing down in gentle circles on her clitoris, maybe suck a plump nipple and nick it with your teeth on the way off it, and she'll come hard like a whore for you -- I meant, well, she'll find it quite enjoyable. And from this close in, the cuming cunt is a beautiful sight. You'll see the little white cream stream trickle from down here, at her hole, and -- something you hardly ever see in porn, class, the pulsing and beating of the pubococcygeus -- uh, cunt muscles.

--What's that Sally? Porn? Well, er… Look it up, Sally. It's in the dictionary. --

For a second, right about when she's screeching like a bitch in heat, and you're holding her legs open, a) so you can watch her hungry pussy gobble and b) so she doesn't cold cock you in your glory with her quivering thighs -- er where was I? Oh, yeah…for a second you think her pretty pussy parts are planning to crawl all up inside her steaming vagina. The beats get further apart and then she's lying there with her nipples hard as cherry pits and her cunt oozing juice, breathing heavy, her pussy fur glistening and you gloating like -- Oh, shit, class. Let me loosen my tie a bit here. Shew. That's … got to have a little air in here. Could you open the window Carla?

As I was saying earlier, it may be fun to ram fat hard objects into an open, wet and willing hole, and it looks really hot too. But the thing is, class, if you really want your chic to get pitted titties over you, it's not the fuck hole, it's the girl bone you want to dance with. Sorry. Sorry. This material is so difficult to put across. Really difficult, class. Give me a second, I'm just going to go to the john. Be right back…

Ah, yes. Well. Just a few other things I want to point out here, before we wrap up. Especially for you cunts -- I mean you with cunts -- in the class. Pussy parts come in all shapes and sizes as I said, and every one is well beautiful, in its own way -- What? Was I singing? Well, sorry Mariah, if you can't take a little music… What I wanted to say was that many women think their pussy is somehow wrong. They constantly wonder if it may be too short, or the lips too little or too big or -- well, but as you look at our examples, you will probably agree with me that they're all all right. Right?

Oh, uh, hi Principal Pudd -- Excuse me? Ms. Hymen is going to relieve me? Well, er, Principal Pudd, I'm afraid I've just relieved myself… but for Ms. Hymen…I may be able to…oh. I see. Yes, I see. OK, then, uh, I'll be off, I mean leaving, er, thank you class. It's been wonderful. Happy Cunting!